I hear you Laura. If it were simply an act of letting a person know they are loved ... no question. At the same time, this is supposed to be the equivalent of "marriage" which is a covenant not only to each other but before God and the community. It is a "covenant." People who are attending are witnesses to this covenant. Participating equals not only approval but blessing. When people see me there they will assume, rightly so, that I am approving and blessing this ceremony and I can't honestly do that. The reason I would take them to dinner is because they would be friends if they truly invited me to go. I won't get into specifics because each situation could be very different. But what I will share with you are my priorities for the conversation. 1. To listen and answer questions to the best of my ability. 2. Draw upon our history as friends to make a commitment to be there as a friend even when we strongly disagree in whatever way we can figure out how that works. They might disown me but that would be their decision. I won't disown them. 3. Be willing to be challenged and willing to say "I don't know" when I genuinely don't know. 4. Be true to my convictions and honest with them when/if called upon to defend my position. 5. And chances are, if we are friends, they are already going to know all of this and the purpose of the dinner would be to communicate that while my decision would be upsetting to us all, I do love them. I don't think of myself as above them.
Laura
· 2 years ago
A gal I discipled for almost 3 years (she lived with me)let me know a couple of months ago that she was marrying this other gal and wanted to invite me to their ceremony. For the first time in my life I feel divided about what I should do. I feel like believing parents must feel when confronted with the decision about allowing their gay-identified children to bring their partners to family functions... or, the decision about whether to attend the commitment ceremony... or, the decision to "accept" the life partner while trying to figure out how to keep their own sense of right-or-wrong intact. Truth it, I know I cannot attend the ceremony because attendance communicates some sort of agreement or hearty approval. (Let's be honest. It does communicate approval/agreement doesn't it?) My dilemma has more to do with not wanting that line to be drawn and offense to be taken because I do genuinely love my friend and want her to be very happy. Still, she DOES know what I do in life as she was part of my direct ministry for so long. So, what would the conversation be if they were your friends and you were to take them to Pizza Hut for that visit?
Laura
· 2 years ago
A gal I discipled for almost 3 years (she lived with me)let me know a couple of months ago that she was marrying this other gal and wanted to invite me to their ceremony. For the first time in my life I feel divided about what I should do. I feel like believing parents must feel when confronted with the decision about allowing their gay-identified children to bring their partners to family functions... or, the decision about whether to attend the commitment ceremony... or, the decision to "accept" the life partner while trying to figure out how to keep their own sense of right-or-wrong intact. Truth it, I know I cannot attend the ceremony because attendance communicates some sort of agreement or hearty approval. (Let's be honest. It does communicate approval/agreement doesn't it?)
My dilemma has more to do with not wanting that line to be drawn and offense to be taken because I do genuinely love my friend and want her to be very happy. Still, she DOES know what I do in life as she was part of my direct ministry for so long.
So, what would the conversation be if they were your friends and you were to take them to Pizza Hut for that visit?
Randy
· 2 years ago
I hear you Laura. If it were simply an act of letting a person know they are loved ... no question. At the same time, this is supposed to be the equivalent of "marriage" which is a covenant not only to each other but before God and the community.
It is a "covenant."
People who are attending are witnesses to this covenant. Participating equals not only approval but blessing. When people see me there they will assume, rightly so, that I am approving and blessing this ceremony and I can't honestly do that.
The reason I would take them to dinner is because they would be friends if they truly invited me to go. I won't get into specifics because each situation could be very different. But what I will share with you are my priorities for the conversation.
1. To listen and answer questions to the best of my ability. 2. Draw upon our history as friends to make a commitment to be there as a friend even when we strongly disagree in whatever way we can figure out how that works. They might disown me but that would be their decision. I won't disown them. 3. Be willing to be challenged and willing to say "I don't know" when I genuinely don't know. 4. Be true to my convictions and honest with them when/if called upon to defend my position. 5. And chances are, if we are friends, they are already going to know all of this and the purpose of the dinner would be to communicate that while my decision would be upsetting to us all, I do love them. I don't think of myself as above them.
Maureen
· 2 years ago
This is just a "deep thought" from someone who hasn't spent much time thinking about it, but I am curious. If the two people who are being "married" know how you feel and you still show up out of love, aren't they more likely to view it as such since they know you wouldn't otherwise have attended? What brought this thought to mind was that I've attended weddings between people who shouldn't be marrying, e.g., a friend married a Jewish man and they omitted mention of Christ from the service, even though she remains "Christian". Or another person who married a non-believer.
Man, the weddings I've attended.
Randy
· 2 years ago
Well, I will always have to take heterosexual unions in a Christian context with a grain of salt because 1) I am not the Holy Spirit and 2) I am not a theologian or Pastor to be able to give the couple advice beyond my own opinion if they ask.
As for other faiths... I don't know that I could go to those weddings either. Maybe Jewish, I would have to talk about that with my Pastor.
My thing is, Marriage to me is as much about The Creator as it is the couple. I personally couldn't, in good conscious, attend a service covenanting two people becoming one that doesn't honor The Creator and His intent. Marriage is the ultimate symbol of His love for His Church. It's mirrored in Genesis and in Revelation. The Image Bearers and the Bridegroom coming back for His Bride.
All Comments
It is a "covenant."
People who are attending are witnesses to this covenant. Participating equals not only approval but blessing. When people see me there they will assume, rightly so, that I am approving and blessing this ceremony and I can't honestly do that.
The reason I would take them to dinner is because they would be friends if they truly invited me to go. I won't get into specifics because each situation could be very different. But what I will share with you are my priorities for the conversation.
1. To listen and answer questions to the best of my ability.
2. Draw upon our history as friends to make a commitment to be there as a friend even when we strongly disagree in whatever way we can figure out how that works. They might disown me but that would be their decision. I won't disown them.
3. Be willing to be challenged and willing to say "I don't know" when I genuinely don't know.
4. Be true to my convictions and honest with them when/if called upon to defend my position.
5. And chances are, if we are friends, they are already going to know all of this and the purpose of the dinner would be to communicate that while my decision would be upsetting to us all, I do love them. I don't think of myself as above them.
My dilemma has more to do with not wanting that line to be drawn and offense to be taken because I do genuinely love my friend and want her to be very happy. Still, she DOES know what I do in life as she was part of my direct ministry for so long.
So, what would the conversation be if they were your friends and you were to take them to Pizza Hut for that visit?
My dilemma has more to do with not wanting that line to be drawn and offense to be taken because I do genuinely love my friend and want her to be very happy. Still, she DOES know what I do in life as she was part of my direct ministry for so long.
So, what would the conversation be if they were your friends and you were to take them to Pizza Hut for that visit?
It is a "covenant."
People who are attending are witnesses to this covenant. Participating equals not only approval but blessing. When people see me there they will assume, rightly so, that I am approving and blessing this ceremony and I can't honestly do that.
The reason I would take them to dinner is because they would be friends if they truly invited me to go. I won't get into specifics because each situation could be very different. But what I will share with you are my priorities for the conversation.
1. To listen and answer questions to the best of my ability.
2. Draw upon our history as friends to make a commitment to be there as a friend even when we strongly disagree in whatever way we can figure out how that works. They might disown me but that would be their decision. I won't disown them.
3. Be willing to be challenged and willing to say "I don't know" when I genuinely don't know.
4. Be true to my convictions and honest with them when/if called upon to defend my position.
5. And chances are, if we are friends, they are already going to know all of this and the purpose of the dinner would be to communicate that while my decision would be upsetting to us all, I do love them. I don't think of myself as above them.
Man, the weddings I've attended.
As for other faiths... I don't know that I could go to those weddings either. Maybe Jewish, I would have to talk about that with my Pastor.
My thing is, Marriage to me is as much about The Creator as it is the couple. I personally couldn't, in good conscious, attend a service covenanting two people becoming one that doesn't honor The Creator and His intent. Marriage is the ultimate symbol of His love for His Church. It's mirrored in Genesis and in Revelation. The Image Bearers and the Bridegroom coming back for His Bride.
That's just my opinion.