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I have said often that some of the most legalistic brainwashing I ever went through was in the gay community. In some ways they were/are as much or more harsh than any legalistic Christian I ever met.
I call it escaping the "gatrix" as a pun off of the Matrix. Falling in Love with the Lord was (super)naturally transforming ... for me it was not programatic at all.
Just liberating.
I guess in essence I am trying to encourage you to relax, be human and realize you don't have to do anything to fall in the Love with the Author of Love Himself. Behold the Creator and enjoy Him. He knows your grief because He suffered tremendous grief Himself and still sings over you with joy.
the forums at livehope are good and i enjoy them on a certain level ... sometimes (ok all the time) i can't read people's stories who are currently in a SS relationship - i am not strong enough to help them and their words just make me miss my "ex" ... however, i have met a few there that are beating this battle and their strength is helpful to me ... i do understand what you are saying about your heart getting hijacked ... when i first started the livehope forums about 2 weeks ago or so i found myself "needing" that connection to help in my healing ... it didn't take long to realize that the time i was spending on the computer could have been used in prayer or reading of God's word ...
i would like to ask if you could please pray that i will continue, continue, continue to get down on my knees in prayer and read, read, read His word ... sometimes i get caught up in "needing" blogs, forums, conferences, self-help books, friends, etc. in order to make it through this ... although, i know in my heart that if i will truely just give everything to Jesus He is all i really need ... and He is all i have ever been needing ....
brandi
It's hard to seperate the mind and the heart and realize who is right and which ones are wrong for us. I think we can love alot of people ,but we have to realize which relationships are healthy and move past the ones that aren't, no matter how strong the love can feel. You did that first huge hard step. Concentrate on "Brandi", take it a day at a time , but also look to your future and think of all that GOd has promised you as His child. He loves you so much and has to be so pleased with your decision and new journey. He feels your pain and wants to hold you in His hands daily. While I was single ,, I went through what I called my "onesness" stage and I grew so close to God, I couldn't have done that had I not been soley dependent on Him. You are going to be so strong and confident, I can't wait to hear what you have to say a year from now!
I have you email address from Randy and you have mine, if not he can give it to you. I think Randy , "the man," wanted to steer away from too much openess here. I just had to respond..
I would highly recommend not starting your own blog and joining the forums over at www.livehope.org . I have seen people who have started blogs at the beginning of their journey and inevitably their blogs become more important than dealing with their journey and relationships offline. It's an unnecessary public pressure that invites your heart to be hijacked by those with other agendas.
be careful Brandi.
i don't have anything profound (not that i ever do) to say ... i just really need some love and encouragement today ... i am so ready to move from the "depression" step of this recovery process into full "acceptance" and get this healing ball rolling ... i know i am already in the "healing" process so to say, but i truely want to forget about my past with my "ex" and feel better i guess ...
if you have any good advice or just want to throw some love my way i would really appreciate it ...
brandi
the forums at livehope are good and i enjoy them on a certain level ... sometimes (ok all the time) i can't read people's stories who are currently in a SS relationship - i am not strong enough to help them and their words just make me miss my "ex" ... however, i have met a few there that are beating this battle and their strength is helpful to me ... i do understand what you are saying about your heart getting hijacked ... when i first started the livehope forums about 2 weeks ago or so i found myself "needing" that connection to help in my healing ... it didn't take long to realize that the time i was spending on the computer could have been used in prayer or reading of God's word ...
i would like to ask if you could please pray that i will continue, continue, continue to get down on my knees in prayer and read, read, read His word ... sometimes i get caught up in "needing" blogs, forums, conferences, self-help books, friends, etc. in order to make it through this ... although, i know in my heart that if i will truely just give everything to Jesus He is all i really need ... and He is all i have ever been needing ....
brandi
Just liberating.
I guess in essence I am trying to encourage you to relax, be human and realize you don't have to do anything to fall in the Love with the Author of Love Himself. Behold the Creator and enjoy Him. He knows your grief because He suffered tremendous grief Himself and still sings over you with joy.
It's hard to seperate the mind and the heart and realize who is right and which ones are wrong for us. I think we can love alot of people ,but we have to realize which relationships are healthy and move past the ones that aren't, no matter how strong the love can feel. You did that first huge hard step. Concentrate on "Brandi", take it a day at a time , but also look to your future and think of all that GOd has promised you as His child. He loves you so much and has to be so pleased with your decision and new journey. He feels your pain and wants to hold you in His hands daily. While I was single ,, I went through what I called my "onesness" stage and I grew so close to God, I couldn't have done that had I not been soley dependent on Him. You are going to be so strong and confident, I can't wait to hear what you have to say a year from now!
I have you email address from Randy and you have mine, if not he can give it to you. I think Randy , "the man," wanted to steer away from too much openess here. I just had to respond..
thanks for your openess .. i appreciate your honesty and it helps me to hear that we can move on from past lovers ... like you said, i know God is truely happy with my decisions and He has got to be smiling upon me ... i guess it's hard to accept the fact that i loved someone so much yet there was just no way to make it work ... i have had to accept that 1: it was never blessed by God and 2: relationships take two ... i understand that the relationship wasn't Godly and i don't want to be back with her because i want to pursue holiness, it has just been hard to accept the fact that i tried and tried and while we were still together i begged her to work as hard at the relationship as i was ... i am working on accepting the realization that no matter how hard i was trying at some point she would have had to wanted it to work as much as i did .. and she didn't .. she wanted to move on and start over ... like you said, i think there will always be a place for her in my heart b/c i never stopped loving her ... and no matter what she is my Christian sister ... i daily ask God for peace from the broken relationship and for Him to bless her ...
i also agree that this "alone time" so to say is giving me some much needed God time ... for the past 4 years i spent all of my time focused on my relationship that i never made any time for God .. (huumm ... i guess that's what He means when He says we worship other idols ..)
and about a "year from now" .... girl i can't wait to see what i have to say as well ... i want to be that strong, independent woman so dearly ....
i don't have your email or phone number but i did give Randy mine to send your way .... maybe He could email me your email and phone number ... then his blog won't be full of oooey gooey healing jazz ... ha ha
thanks for your openess .. i appreciate your honesty and it helps me to hear that we can move on from past lovers ... like you said, i know God is truely happy with my decisions and He has got to be smiling upon me ... i guess it's hard to accept the fact that i loved someone so much yet there was just no way to make it work ... i have had to accept that 1: it was never blessed by God and 2: relationships take two ... i understand that the relationship wasn't Godly and i don't want to be back with her because i want to pursue holiness, it has just been hard to accept the fact that i tried and tried and while we were still together i begged her to work as hard at the relationship as i was ... i am working on accepting the realization that no matter how hard i was trying at some point she would have had to wanted it to work as much as i did .. and she didn't .. she wanted to move on and start over ... like you said, i think there will always be a place for her in my heart b/c i never stopped loving her ... and no matter what she is my Christian sister ... i daily ask God for peace from the broken relationship and for Him to bless her ...
i also agree that this "alone time" so to say is giving me some much needed God time ... for the past 4 years i spent all of my time focused on my relationship that i never made any time for God .. (huumm ... i guess that's what He means when He says we worship other idols ..)
and about a "year from now" .... girl i can't wait to see what i have to say as well ... i want to be that strong, independent woman so dearly ....
i don't have your email or phone number but i did give Randy mine to send your way .... maybe He could email me your email and phone number ... then his blog won't be full of oooey gooey healing jazz ... ha ha
I'll be talking to you... tonight I am "worn plum smooth out!" So I am vegging out channel surfing, no energy to move hardly .
I'll be talking to you... tonight I am "worn plum smooth out!" So I am vegging out channel surfing, no energy to move hardly .
Yours in friendly fuddlement,
Cindy
Yours in friendly fuddlement,
Cindy
Not to discourage you from emailing with Anita, of course. She's pretty amazing, too. :)
brandi
I should get on the live hope forums for interaction myself.
I don't think to go there, will be checking it out also.